First things first. Everyone asks how is Maggie? How is your mom?
Mmm. How to answer. I think we could all agree that the only thing worse than cancer would be your child getting cancer. That was my first thought - fine, take me but don't touch my boys. So, I'd assume that she has had a pretty bad week.
Having said that, what's amazing about my mom is that I don't know the answer to how she is. She comes over. She keeps us company. She helps with the boys. She cooks. She plays. She chats. After a few days, Jim asked "what's wrong with your mother?" I had to explain to him that she simply was not sharing her grief with us.
Rick, her brother, Mike, and my Aunt Barb, the Carrolls, the Chances, the Breens and extended Breens, the Taylors, Taylor/Halls, and all our family and her friends will stand with her and steady her. Just as she is doing for us.
I've always described Jim as having strength and endurance like a mule (and I mean it so positively). But we are also strong. We know how to cry in the shower. My grandmother used to say that there was no problem that a face wash and lipstick couldn't help. I'm sure she too has had a pretty bad week, but to and for me and mine she is steady, steady, strong, strong.
And thank you for everyone reaching out to her directly, too. It warms us to know we are all so well cared for.
Now, for today. I thought the highlight of the day was going to be the warm blanket that the RT put over me before the CT scan. She was humming and muttering about her long day as she prepared me for the CT scan. Babying me for whatever reason. The warm blanket and her prattling calmed my nerves just enough to help me exhale a bit.
After the test, I saw what I've seen for the past week. A quiet, reserved medical professional who could hardly make eye contact with me. I told Jim I thought it was going to be bad news. We were quietly sick about it. We walked around Georgetown until we found a warm corner and we waited.
Our mega millions tickets may not pan out for either of us, but we got what appears to be our first break in eight days. The CT scan was clear. I hate to be prematurely relieved as the bone scan is tomorrow. But this hope business is not prospering for us, so we will just be glad for tonight. As Jim said, the RT, "she was just a tough Jamaican."
