It seems I am going to be diagnosed with cancer Friday. Mind blowing.
I was at a doctor's appointment. An executive perk. Talking to a great GP staff focused on helping busy folks with managing their general health and well-being. I was focused on the Cherry Blossom Ten-Miler Jim and I just signed up for and losing baby weight. Not unimportant stuff.
But I also asked my physician to look at a lump in my breast that had been bothering me.
I had discovered it in August and talked to a physician about it in early September. Nothing to worry about. But I asked about it again.
Oh Lordy. The lid came off on Monday.
I was walked immediately to a sonogram. Multiple lumps -beyond what I was worried about - and lymph node activity. Referred for biopsy. Love the Inova 360 staff. They walked me back across the hospital and when I arrived the physicians had conferred and it was broken down for me as "very bad". I waited and 360 was able to get me a walk-in appointment in a breast surgeon's office.
I talked to a focused NP who was hopeful my lactating breast were just complicating the picture. We talked to our Moms just in case and to help us bear the load. What a thing to have to tell your mom.
Biopsy on Tuesday. Three sites, two masses and the lymph node. Radiologist was very serious. Sorry for the French but when Jim and I got back into the car, I summarized by saying "we are f'ed".
Radiologist indicated we are waiting for biopsy results (Friday, hence the D day)... But she mentioned the next steps would likely be an MRI, CT scan and a bone density scan. No reassurances. Quiet, serious demeanor.
Oh, thank God we had Ian with us to keep us smiling, keep Jim company, keep the car on the road.
We came home, got Miles and walked around Target in a daze. We made an important purchase - chutes and ladders - which was perfectly distracting for everyone.
I had wept the news to Virginia earlier in the day and Brian, Virginia and Sloan brought dinner, love, strength, confidence and distraction. And Miles and Sloan went wild and kept us laughing. Amazing thank you.
Today, 360 helped again. I sent a note to my dr and asked if she could expedite next steps, including an MRI. First MRI experience later (apparently you are supposed to be really still...if I had known they probably wouldn't have had to retake so many images), more bad news. Let's wait for the diagnosis to delve into all of that.
It isn't Tuesday but the blog is Keeping It Real Tuesday. It is John, my co-worker's joke, and refers to an apparent pattern to my world view on Tuesdays at work - days when I just break it down, unfiltered, tell it as it is. I didn't think I had any filtered days, but just in case I do, here it is, me keeping it real.
For now, I am so sad. I am so sad for my boys. Poor crushed Jim. Poor attuned and sensitive Miles. Poor, sweet, snorting happy Ian. Sad for our families. Sad for me. I am scared, too. And I don't even have a diagnosis yet:)
I am working to activate my mind. To move out of the shock phase. To stop crying. To start telling family and friends. I'm sorry if we didn't get to you personally. It is so damn hard.
Thank you in advance for the love and support we know you'll provide to me, Jim, the boys and our families.
