Side effects swooped in last week and it was a rough one. Fatigue like crazy. Nausea like morning sickness all day everyday. Tuesday my scalp started itching. Shit, shit, shit. Thursday, hair loss like I'm going through chemo.
It's interesting. In the crisis of my life, I still get distracted by minutiae. I am undergoing daily radiation treatment for a brain tumor. Literally inconceivable to me fifteen months ago. Mostly inconceivable even two months ago. And still the hair loss inflicts this crippling emotional blow. I just cannot believe that one year later I'm back in this same shit circumstance. I mean, I don't love short brown hair, but it's a whole lot better than no hair.
So, I'm not great company. Not really socializing. Pretty low energy and humor. Trying to figure out what to do about these tufts of hair. If I have to talk to Miles again. Miles, who the other day asked, why I had doctors appointments every day, and whether that meant I was "very" sick. I don't even remember how I fudged my way through that.
That's the other thing. Getting to half way done was awesome. But the next day, when you still have half to go, that sucks.
I read an article this week on practicing non-attachment to material and temporary things. I'm thinking about this concept and trying to steady myself.
Six treatments to go. Treatments themselves are ok. I actually have started to fall asleep during them. Which is crazy. My head is locked into a large plastic table in a huge, loud space age machine and I'm falling asleep.
We replaced the ill-fated lamp today. Alls well that ends well.
